For the longest time I knew when I grew up exactly what i wanted to do when I got out of high school, But as I approach the 4 year mark of being out of school I have come to realize that I am no closer to that dream then when I was five.
For so long I was determined to get to where I wanted to be that I never stopped to smell the roses and think is this really what I want to do. I know , I know no one really ever knows what they truly want to do in life. But this is different, I have a job where I am helping people and making a difference.
I wake up every morning and cant wait to get to work, but alas I am still not happy and I can not figure out why. I have sat and thought about it and maybe its the fact that I gave college a shot and didn't finish it, maybe its because no matter what it is i never seem to finish things that I start, and maybe its because I haven't really found the thing that sparks my fire.
I have always been one to have my hands in a million different things. In school I was in a bunch of different clubs, or organizations. I played sports and when that didn't work out I spent the summer while everyone else was having fun, getting there drivers licenses and just hanging out , in a classroom with people twice my age getting my EMT so that i could make a bigger difference.
(TO BE CONTINUED)
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Fight or Flight?
In every persons life there are good times and there are bad times. It is in human nature that we all have that fight or flight response. Since I can remember the people around me taught me that when the going gets tough the tough get going. Whether it was figuratively or what really did happen. So as I have gotten older I have learn to talk or work myself out of situations and in simplest terms run away. But when in life is it time to stand up and fight?
For those that know me , and truly know me I have done a real good job of making a mess out of things. I have not always been up front and tend to make a little thing become one of monstrous proportions. I am real good at never showing what I am really feeling or what really may be going on. But in the last year or so I have met someone that doesn't let me get away with that. They force me to be upfront no bull shit.
Confrontation has never been my strong suit. When put in a situation that i was not comfortable with I did one of two things, got physical or walked away and never talked to said party again. But this person doesn't let me do that. They have taught me ( threw there own personal experiences) that it is better to face something head on and responsibly then to let it brew. When you let it brew it bites you in the ass and hard.
They have not had the best year and a half and from that i have learned a lot. Instead of sitting back and hiding this person has face stuff head on that would have sent me running for the hills. They have been dragged threw the mud, shit what ever you want to call it and even when it seemed that rolling over and giving up was the only option, they came up shit eating grin on there face and said "Bring it on!" For that i am shocked and impressed and also envious.
I will be honest, before i met this person and their family I was plotting my great escape. I had been dealing with issues that made me want to find something better. A new place, a new start , a place where no one knew me and I could have a re- do. But i have learned that the answer does not lie in running away from your problems but from facing them head on, and for that lesson i am forever in this persons debt.
They have taught me that it is the little things in life that are worth living and working for. They have taught me that to have the relationships that you want and that make you happy you have to be honest.
It is human nature to have that Fight or Flight response. But running away isn't always the answer....
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
When is it a good time to grow up?
Nap times, snacks , eating what and when ever you want to. When we are kids we get away with things that as adults we only dream of being able to get away with. In growing up we are forced to take on more responsibility. We get some responsibilities that are fun like the ability to drive but then on the other hand we get the responsibility of paying for the insurance for said car that we got the ability to drive. Sadly that is one of the simple examples.
It is when the bills start to pile up and the 9-5 job gets to be to tedious that the luxuries of childhood become more appealing. But when is it time to bite the bullet and grow up... Is it when the child becomes the parent ? Or is it when life seems to just be passing you by?
As wonderful as the luxuries of childhood can be everyone needs to grow up at some point. As much as we wish for the simpler times in life there is really nothing wrong with being an adult.
It is when the bills start to pile up and the 9-5 job gets to be to tedious that the luxuries of childhood become more appealing. But when is it time to bite the bullet and grow up... Is it when the child becomes the parent ? Or is it when life seems to just be passing you by?
As wonderful as the luxuries of childhood can be everyone needs to grow up at some point. As much as we wish for the simpler times in life there is really nothing wrong with being an adult.
Monday, February 14, 2011
A Little Bit Stronger...
Picture perfect, Sweet heart ,Breath taking, the one... Just a few phrases that we use to describe our boy or girlfriends, partners, lovers or husbands/wives.. You make the plans and say that no matter what you will always be together and that there is nothing in the whole universe that can ever break you up, But what happens when that love turns sour and you are left to make that decision that no person really wants to make... to end the relationship that was unbreakable ( or so you thought).
Is it better to be the "dumper" or the "dumpy" a question asked but rarely answered... What happens when you are left with the unanswered questions of why did it happen? how did this happen? is it really over? What happens when you are left to pick up the pieces and start over. Do you sit back and dwell in the past or do you get a little bit stronger , pick up your head and get out there.
Now those that decide to not take the road of being a little bit stronger end up being the ones to make themselves look like the assholes. They are the ones that cling onto the good times and believe that they can change what happened. But if you ask me if something didn't work out the first time there is a reason for that. There was obviously something BIG that caused the "picture perfect" relationship to turn sour.
For some it is a grieving period where they make a few random calls, talk to mutual friends and ask for help and may show up and try to talk. On the other hand there are the people who just cant seem to move on, they do all the normal stuff but then take it to the next level. While the other person has moved on they grasp at any little hint that there's a chance but what they need is to get a little bit stronger and move on. By doing what they are they are only destroying any chance of being friends with that person.
The best advice i can give these people is to pick up your head and get a little bit stronger...
Now those that decide to not take the road of being a little bit stronger end up being the ones to make themselves look like the assholes. They are the ones that cling onto the good times and believe that they can change what happened. But if you ask me if something didn't work out the first time there is a reason for that. There was obviously something BIG that caused the "picture perfect" relationship to turn sour.
For some it is a grieving period where they make a few random calls, talk to mutual friends and ask for help and may show up and try to talk. On the other hand there are the people who just cant seem to move on, they do all the normal stuff but then take it to the next level. While the other person has moved on they grasp at any little hint that there's a chance but what they need is to get a little bit stronger and move on. By doing what they are they are only destroying any chance of being friends with that person.
The best advice i can give these people is to pick up your head and get a little bit stronger...
Does love always have a happy ending?
Since the dawn of time love has been one of the things that both brought people together but also tore countries, towns and families apart... We are brought up to believe that love is one of the things that makes the world go round... We are shown from an early age that love is intertwined in almost everything we do... As young girls we fantasies of our prince charming coming to rescue us from the thing that we call life, Whether you have the perfect life or one that you wish to escape from. Even the story books that we read to our children idolize love. For example the little puppy gets lost and cant find his mother but its the love of that puppy to his mother that leads him back and to her.
Love gets put so high on a pedestal that it even has its own day, we call it Valentines day. But do you know the real meaning of valentines day ? Well i will tell you, the origin of Valentine's Day, or Saint Valentine's Day, comes from the life and death of a Christian martyr. According to author Martha Zimmerman, the date traditionally celebrated as St. Valentine's Day finds it origin in the Roman festival of romance called Lupercalia, when the gods Juno and Pan were honored. It was a fertility festival or a lover's holiday looking forward to the return of Spring. In the fifth century, in an attempt to abolish the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius changed Lupercalia and its February 15 date to February 14 and called it Saint Valentine's Day. Even though the names and the date were changed, the emphasis continued to be on love. But some how over the years it became about red roses, candy in heart- shaped boxes, mushy valentines, and winged cherubs flying about shooting starry-eyed lovers with arrows.
Some say that it is the love of one to another that gives you the ability to feel when a love one is lost. That it is the love of a mother to a child that can heal any wound no matter what it is. But does it always have a happy ending? In the books, movies ,shows and even songs that we hear about love although the person may go threw hell and back they always end up happy and in there love ones arms in the end. But does this happen in real life? Yes some can argue that they have a friend of a friend who's grandparents have been married for 70 years and are as happy now as they were when they first met but how often does that really happen?
Love gets put so high on a pedestal that it even has its own day, we call it Valentines day. But do you know the real meaning of valentines day ? Well i will tell you, the origin of Valentine's Day, or Saint Valentine's Day, comes from the life and death of a Christian martyr. According to author Martha Zimmerman, the date traditionally celebrated as St. Valentine's Day finds it origin in the Roman festival of romance called Lupercalia, when the gods Juno and Pan were honored. It was a fertility festival or a lover's holiday looking forward to the return of Spring. In the fifth century, in an attempt to abolish the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius changed Lupercalia and its February 15 date to February 14 and called it Saint Valentine's Day. Even though the names and the date were changed, the emphasis continued to be on love. But some how over the years it became about red roses, candy in heart- shaped boxes, mushy valentines, and winged cherubs flying about shooting starry-eyed lovers with arrows.
Some say that it is the love of one to another that gives you the ability to feel when a love one is lost. That it is the love of a mother to a child that can heal any wound no matter what it is. But does it always have a happy ending? In the books, movies ,shows and even songs that we hear about love although the person may go threw hell and back they always end up happy and in there love ones arms in the end. But does this happen in real life? Yes some can argue that they have a friend of a friend who's grandparents have been married for 70 years and are as happy now as they were when they first met but how often does that really happen?
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